Do we not have a visceral connectedness to our spirituality whether we acknowledge it or not? I know I cannot shut off my longing. I live with it nagging me constantly. My own depravity-in the recesses of my unawareness-below my cognitive thoughts and the droning noise of my amusements-what I call my truest self seeks not refuge from my longing but a participation with it. I must learn to embrace the longing with acts that protect it. Seeking to diminish it or to fill it with sex or food or activity seems only to foster disappointment and sadness. Ironically I find my discontentment comes from my greatest efforts to create my own happiness-trying to engineer a resolve. But as I sit quietly I come to see… with an aching heart we are meant to live. This is our greatest joy. Why do we run from it? It is the painful stream flowing through us that gives us life. Why?, I’m not sure why. I am lead to believe we are not meant to know. This is just the way the song goes.
It is our greatest teachers who have called us all to embrace this un-resolve. It is only at the end of a song that we feel the calm of the final solution. That pleasant release of landing on a peaceful closing chord. We must see that the song cannot be played if we skip to that final cord alone. How sad that many of us live in this way. Seeking only to find the happy resolve. Are we not as a culture running from anything that cases pain or keeps us from our bliss. Is it that most of us remain disillusioned, wearing out that one note, all the while thinking a beautiful tune can come of it? As beautiful as a note it may be, it is no song. Embrace the mystery of your own depravity and sing to it’s tune.
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